You dont know how badly i want to have someone to tell you stories about, instead just having you and stories about you pathetically on my mind.

19/11/2015

5:48 AM

You know you're hurt when you woke up this morning with tears in your eyes,
and you had no one, and nothing, but your hands to sweep it off.

You know you're hurt when it's 3 in the morning and you still cant sleep,
drown into sad songs that you once forgot, but you can't now because you remember all those pains.

You know you're hurt when it's even 9 in the morning and you're in school,
but your thoughts are haunting, and taking you back in flashes of his face and yours, laughing.

You know you're hurt when you see your best foes, laughing and smiling, like you're not a part of them,
because you can't even recognise them anymore, because trust is only a word, not a thing between.

You know you're hurt when you realise what you did wrong,
You know you're hurt when you realise what you said was not what you feel.
And you know you're more hurt,
when you can't even change them.

You know you're hurt, when you love someone,
and they're not.
(anymore)

Maybe afterall,
its just me,
afraid of losing you,
afraid of saying goodbye,
because
i love you
too much,
that it haunts

20:02

Ingin rasanya berkata
Tapi tak menguasa

Apa yang harus dikata?

Tak ada suara

Ingin rasanya bertanya

Tapi tak berjawab

Apa yang harus ditanya?

Tak ada rahasia

Ingin rasanya berlari

Tapi tak bertenaga

Harus lari kemana?

Tak ada tempat berduka

"Suhuf," that's what they said.

3/9/2014

CURRENTs

Hey there! Happy eid mubarak, fellas. May Allah's blessings be with you today & always.

I'm currently bored. So I'm thinking that I could write my current thoughts as I've done much earlier before. 

As example, as simple as:

Current Activity

= i am currently lying on my bed. I'm thinking and my hands translate it through words by typing on my Blogger app. My brothers and my cousins are beside me. My brother's right foot is on my right foot and he's playing with his handphone (and he just moved his foot few secs ago). My cousins are playing UNO. 

Current Thoughts

= I'm thinking of another holiday. I'm thinking about money. If I had enough money, then I would be traveling through places, learn many things. The first thing I'd like to bring with me is a camera. (and so on)

Current Favorites

-Music

On my playlists: there is, Canis. Well their album has been on my playlist since months ago but still, I love it. Then, Kings of Convenience. Their amazing plays with guitars always drive me to sleep. And, Tulus. My favorite man. Well there's so much more & I think I can't describe it one by one. Such as: Us The Duo, Janitra Satriani (find him on soundcloud!), Daniela Andrade, Adhitia Sofyan. 

-Books

I found myself too busy and became not really interested with books anymore. But the books on my mind is Ingo by Helen Dunmore, Amy & Matthew by Cammie M'Groven.

Current things-I-wish-I-could-buy

SCENTED CANDLES!!!!!!!!

Another lamps for my room. I want that one with big balloons like lanterns or something.

Instax 90s. Definitely. I mentioned about traveling with camera before, and this baby is the one that I thought about. The second thing: acoustic guitar. I haven't buy strings for the old one, and I think that bud is too small & sadly not interesting.

Current things-I-wish-I-could-do

Traveling. Obviously. The other things to do are probably: writing, swinging (like playground-swinging), shopping (alone, I prefer).

Current things-I-wish-I-could-change

My eating routine.

Well I think I'm done cause I have nothing left in my brain??? Alright then thank u for reading this meaningless post, SEE YA!

A journal

8/7/13

Hi there.

It's 6:36 AM here, and i'm currently on the way to Madrid by bus. I know I should probably sleeping because I haven't slept the other night. But I just can't because I just feel like writing. Haha.

Here's a little story for you guys to read, if you want.

So I'm currently having a trip to Spain, attending the Jornadas Folcloricas Nazarenas of Dos Hermanas in Seville, and going to Madrid for tour afterward. I've practiced playing traditional music instruments, which is saron and gendang. Some of my friends are dancers and others are musicians like me. I've practiced for 3 months with professional and talented trainers. The trainer who came to Spain with us is Kak Ammar, a music trainer. We will perform 7 traditional dance: Nandak, Tokecang, Piring, Tifa, Tortor, Kalimantan, and Saman. The dancers are divided into two groups but for Saman, both groups are dancers.

My school has attended this program & many other festivals before. Those who want to join have to sign up and practice twice a week. One last week before the trip, we practice everyday to polish our performance.

So that's behind this story. Me & my friends & our teacher, Bu Cut & Kak Ammar finally arrived at Spain on 2nd of July. After going for a 13 hours flight, we then go by bus to Dos Hermanas where we stay and perform for the festival. The road trip took 6-7 hours. That's a really long time and I currently fasting. But I made it through the breakfasting, thank God haha.

The first day we arrived, we unpack our things and music instruments we bring. The place we stay was some kind of Kindergarten and Primary school.

There are other countries that participate in this festival: Spain, Colombia, and Macedonia.

First show for us is some kind of Parade. We went into the central of the city and walked through streets and shops. People are taking pictures and looking at us. That was the first moment we met Macedonia. The group was nice and we take many photos there. Then they formed a circle and danced, and invited us into the circle. The musicians were very good because they were big groups and they have lots of instruments such as tamburin, guitar, and some kind of gendang. I didn't know the name of those instruments for sure.

During the parade, we saw Colombia. Their 'wow-factor' was maybe their costumes because it looked like a circus costume. 

After the parade, we performed on a small stage. But it wasn't done very well because we haven't practice it for a long time. We only practice it few hours before the parade.

The second day was a 15 minutes show. We performed Nandak and Tokecang. I think this is the best stage during the festival. It was very beautiful and big, many crowd, and very great soundsystem. It was in the middle of the park that used to be an old CaCO3 (Calsium carbonate) mine. 

In this performance, I messed up a little during the music solo. Because I was really nervous of the crowd and I was panic. (besides it's 1st show on stage!!!!)

The third day was a day off. We went to the central of the city to go shopping and touring with other countries too.

We became close with Colombia because we walked together through the streets and went to some stores together. My feet hurts but it was worth it. I bought some souvenirs for my family & friends. At night, there was a gathering, with games and stuffs. It was so fun and entertaining.

The fourth day & the fifth day was a 45 minutes show. Heavy. We performed almost all the dance. This time, no soundsystem and not a really big crowd. So I lost my nerve and I became capable of enjoying my music. I even take pictures with some kids there.

And now, is the 6th day. Its 8th of July and we've finished the festival. After performed, there was some kind of gathering or a farewell party for us. Because the festival is over and the groups will go separate ways. Colombia will go to other country to perform (again), and Macedonia will leave to other city in Spain to perform (again). In this farewell party, well there were so many special things. First, we give away our music instruments which we already signed to other people in other country. I gave my gendang to Antonio, a 13-years-old cute kid and to Yane, a 15-years-old Macedonia group. We also gave one gendang for Alejandro and Veronica, our guide. The dancers also give their dance properties such as piring, tifa, and bakul. The last, other people really love our jacket. They want it so bad they wanna beg. At first I don't feel like giving it because I like it very much, besides I still can wear it to school. But one of the Spain group came to me and gave me his jacket. In return, I gave him mine. 

In this farewell party, I became close to Macedonia. It all started when I gave souvenirs. We talked much and I found them so interesting. We share our languages & traditions. I found out that they're all professional dancers and musicians because they were practicing for years. The girl I talked to, Nichda has danced for 15 years. Yane has played music for 3 years. They are true professionals and they were shocked when they found out that we practiced just for 3 months. We've talked until 2 am in the morning and then we went back to our room to finish packing. I can't believe how short time has went. I hugged everyone and felt like it was really heavy to say goodbye.

I regret every little things I didn't do. I regret that I didn't talk to them from the beginning, that I didn't have courage to start introduce myself to them. I regret that I didn't play well in the shows. I regret that I spent my time for taking a nap instead of go out and blend in with the others.

I learned many things on this trip. So much that I can't describe how precious this opportunity was. Well, practice makes perfect and experience leads us to the forward. I decided that starting now, I have to take risks on every opportunity I have. To be more valuable with my time. And to be more brave to know and talk to strangers. 

Maybe this story was just another blablabla to you. But trust me, you HAVE to learn from this story. Or you'll end up regretting, like I do. 

Adios!

-L